Sunday, June 14, 2009
Waiting and writing
When will she come? Awaiting the birth of a precious new life is not without it's concerns. Will we be safe on the other side of it? Will all be well? Will the midwife make it in time? Can I handle it?
For some reason, this life situation is really distressing me. I am in the midst of the fiery furnance and the brethren are the ones turning up the stove. There are no allies among the community. Self preservation is the number one goal of those who we thought were friends. It is very uncertain what will happen to our family next in the twisted jumble of lies and misrepresentations, misunderstandings and accusations.
My only comfort is that God is here in me and he will not give me more than I can handle. However, that does not keep me from experiencing so much pain and agony, just that he will be with me as I go through it.
The repo squad was here today, two of the tallest brethren. That was a little imtimidating. However, I think that they may have had pity on me (and the overwhelming amount of diapers I have to wash and the overloaded septic system) But probably not. Still they left the washing machine. They were only reps of the mean man who broke his word to us so many times already. Then told falsehoods to cover up his inconsistancy and lack of clarity.
I know that they would rather we leave their responsibility. How c an those that claim absolute dominion over spritual discernment and exercise be so ugly and hateful to those that are sick, needy or just plain different?
For We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God,
Ephesians 6:12, 13a
I hope no one else is hurting tonight. The girlies are having sickness, the big ones are very tired after working hard all day in the heat cleaning barns, mowing and loading firewood until dark.
This will be my only recourse in this disappointment. At least it helps not to keep the emotional things inside only, to have them out but not known by others.
My only comfort is that God is here in me and he will not give me more than I can handle. However, that does not keep me from experiencing so much pain and agony, just that he will be with me as I go through it.
The repo squad was here today, two of the tallest brethren. That was a little imtimidating. However, I think that they may have had pity on me (and the overwhelming amount of diapers I have to wash and the overloaded septic system) But probably not. Still they left the washing machine. They were only reps of the mean man who broke his word to us so many times already. Then told falsehoods to cover up his inconsistancy and lack of clarity.
I know that they would rather we leave their responsibility. How c an those that claim absolute dominion over spritual discernment and exercise be so ugly and hateful to those that are sick, needy or just plain different?
For We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God,
Ephesians 6:12, 13a
I hope no one else is hurting tonight. The girlies are having sickness, the big ones are very tired after working hard all day in the heat cleaning barns, mowing and loading firewood until dark.
This will be my only recourse in this disappointment. At least it helps not to keep the emotional things inside only, to have them out but not known by others.
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